SACRIFICE

Because the woman i grew up with reminded me every single day of how she kept me by her side unceasingly for nine months, how she took care of my basic needs, and in spite, or perhaps because I cant remember any of it, no matter how hard I try, she makes sure I do, not through my memories, but through hers, every single day, she reminds me, and if this is sacrifice, bolded and underlined, then i want no part in it, i want nothing to do with it, and more than anything, the first thing i did as a child, was to make my own definition, of the word sacrifice

EMPATHY

That sadness that you feel when you see good people trying and trying and failing and trying again, that deep ache in your chest, that after 18 years I can put a word to, that ache I now name empathy, tinged with pity and sorrow, like wanderlust purple mixed into sunset colours

WHAT TO DO WITH NO REVERSE GEAR

         After graduating, its finally time to decide who you want to be, or to pursue your passion. Some of you may have had to give up your lifelong dream career, whilst others may find out their dream career isn't all its made out to be. Either way, so many of us have no idea what we want to do, or what course to study. Some of you are stuck in a dead end job, with low income, or income that has been cut in todays economy, or have families and wives that are clammering for you to BE MORE SUCCESSFUL BE MORE RICH CAN YOU EARN MORE MONEY PLZ ok cut the please.

FOR THOSE WHO ARE DOING WHAT IS CURRENTLY IN HIGH DEMAND/ PAYS WELL/ ASIAN KIASU PARENTS FORCE ONE/

I understand that you may think its filial/ that you owe your parents, but the fact is, you dont. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being grateful that your parents are paying for your studies, but is regretting and torturing yourself for the rest of your life doing something you dont like worth it? Or are you condemning both you and your parents to a lifetime of complaints, resentment and regret?

I also understand that you might be motivated to study a course that is 'popular', namely, a course that has a high employment rate, especially for post-grads, or has a high starting salary as money is why we have to work,duh. But you also work for the experience, and to pursue your passions. Would you continue to work for a company who has bitchy, back stabbing colleagues who do not help you improve yourself but instead makes you pissed and depressed everyday? hell no! life is too fucking short for that okay. You dont have to be on super good terms with everyone, and bosses are..... *cough, but most of the time you can tell its for your own good, for your own performance, and this is the real world now. no more red X'es, everybody. Suck it up and move on. There's a thin line there, if you can notice it, a thin line that goes hand-in hand with your instincts. What do you think you should do? Are there opportunities elsewhere or are you gonna end up unemployed, embarrassed to meet your family and friends, ESPECIALLY IN TODAYS ECONOMY? I'm not gonna tell you that theres a 100% guarantee solution, do this and you'll be successful, but do follow your instincts.

And I think that most of you are pretty smart, and that even if you dont realize it, you'll unconsciously start making moves if you ARE ready to take a new step in your life. Looking for other job offers, checking out other companies, meeting your friends and asking for vacancies... its perfectly alright to put one foot in another boat, however be smart abt it and please DONT go on instagram and be like MEETING WITH NEW BOSS TODAY LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING HERE- hello genius. Both boats gonna move away from each other and you're gonna end up in the sea. Nowadays social media IS monitored by your bosses, and you can legit get fired cos of that.

THOSE WHO TOOK SCHOLARSHIP AND CANT QUIT/GOVERNMENT PAYING AND CHOSE YOUR COURSE FOR YOU/BONDED TO COMPANY COS OF PREVIOUSLY SAID SCHOLARSHIP

Getting your tuition fees paid for plus allowance is a big deal today. If you quit and dont have the money to pay them back, make sure you wont get sued! A different move many people use is just.. dont study, so you dont maintain your GPA, and the scholarship will automatically be voided and you can do whatever shit you want. HOWEVER, please check that your GOING TO BE university WILL accept you despite your sabotaged GPA and that you have enough funds for the new course as high probability is they wont fund you again.

If you got gov scholarship, JPA being an example, they will choose your course for you. Of course they will ask you choose yourself BUT there is a chance you might not get in. If you do..why are you still here again? Stop wasting your time and go study la. If you dont get in the course you had set your heart on, seriously consider going to the course they had chosen for you. Like I said before, getting your full tuition fees paid is no small matter, so think properly. If it was one of your choices, or you are interested and can seriously see yourself doing so-and-so, then, by all means, go for it. Clear any doubts before you dive in, though.

If you're bonded to a company and cant get out, and you have this awesome opportunity, and have exhausted all other means (agreeing to work for them AFTER you're done with the bonding, getting yourself into another contract-not a very smart move btw), and you have seriously SERIOUSLY thought about everything, the fees you will have to pay them back, your recommendation and all that, then sure. But if you cant make it, or you are unable to pay them back, hold it off. The right opportunity will come at the right time, and you'll know it. If you wanna get out of your bond cos you dont like it, SUCK IT UP. Its just not worth the money kay, unless you won the lottery overnight. Keep praying!

-continued in part 2(coming out soon)

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

SUNDAY

How much does religion mean to us? How much do we integrate our faith into our lives, our daily actions? Is our religion a label, something that defines who we are?

Understanding different religions and their practices, and the differences in those beliefs, especially your own, will help you decide what you want to believe in.

I grew up as a Christian. My parents were never especially religious, but we went to church occasionally, pressed by my grandfather, who is diligently religious. As a child growing up in  Malaysia, with all the different religions and cultures, made me think that people only made religion because they needed to believe that there's something out there for them after death, that we are better and more civilised than animals, and our physical form, so fragile, is not the only thing we have to depend on. And all those practices and 'laws'? hello validation. FYI I respect every religion/belief there is out there, and those who practice it. Not judging, merely my opinion.

This is morbid but as a child, I also used to envy stillborns, or kids that passed away young. The world was so black & white to me then, and as my Sunday School teacher said, if you dont sin, then you will go to Heaven, which means...if i haven't had a chance to sin, I'd spend eternity in His Kingdom! Isn't that so much more worth it?? hmm still havent settled this question tbh.

I'd talk to Him, in prayer and just..talking out loud, because I could actually FEEL his presence. Unfortunately, until now, I clasp my hands together mostlyyy when I've lost my purse/Iphone, or THINK I've lost it, or pleasepleasepleaseplease report card please be good hahahaha yeah I'm a horrible example of a Christian.

But over the years, as I attended sermons and started reading His word, I got to know Him better, and in turn, myself. I realized that being a Christian doesnt mean you're invincible, or prayer itself will help you get 100% on an exam, but it means being human, being weak, needing Him, and working hard for what you want. Because sometimes it's not until you're truly confused and angry and feel like you've lost everything that matters to you that you see His miracle, right in front of you. The rapidness of your pulse that means the Holy Spirit is urging you to speak/or to act. For He will never abandon you, even when it feels like He has, when you've lost a loved one, or something terrible and unexpected has happened, and you feel so angry at Him, because He has deserted you, but He never has, and He never will. Open your Bible tonight, and push aside your worldly concerns, for 

Matthew 6:26-3426 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Do we not thank those that help us? Or get to know those who we interact with everyday? Get to know Him, His voice, and your life will be so much the better for it.

Today, I am immeasurably grateful to my parents, my sister, all those who has debated with and guided me, for it is because of you now that my faith is so strong. Thank you, all you nonbelievers and atheists, thank you, all you loyal Christians with wills and faith as strong as an ox, and as unyielding as an oak tree. Because of you, I know where I stand, and why my feet are planted here. Because of you, my faith is strong. Thank you.

CATSANDDOGSANDSUCHLIKE

Dr.Dolitte, Marley & Me, Dolphin Tale, Charlotte's Web, The Secret Life of Pets,
Revenge of Kitty Galore, all the awesome animal spy movies, Dog With a Blog- how adorable was that?? Suffice to say I am in LOVE with these movies. Even The Heart Of The Sea was fantastic, considering how macabre it was..

ngawww....

Talking animals are always a delight, and the idea behind talking animals stemmed from mythology, which were then depicted into movies... Animals are oh-so-cute, except maybe..

          MWEUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And honestly, every time I watch one of these movies I have a sudden urge to adopt a puppy/kitten (fish freak me out). Like hey, I want an animal sidekick! Wouldn't you? I've had around 5 dogs before, and it never turns out well.... My last dog was a stray, and she was gorgeous! Unfortunately she got taken away by the authorities after a year or so. After that I really couldn't bear loving and losing another dog...yet again. The older generation are a leetle more old-fashioned, rearing animals for their 'uses'. So.. puppies who cant bark deserve to be drowned, chickens who can no longer lay eggs are eaten, pigs...well we Chinese know what we do with THOSE (dips 3-layer pork in chilli)

But I think we're past the age where the give-and-take system is essential for survival. Abraham Moslows theory of self-actualization, anyone? and although Trump is probably gonna mess us all up, animals will always remain cute and cuddly. 

REVIEW: 

    Dr. Dolittles movies had a solid storyline, sweet and simple. A little heavy on the cliches, and a little light on the logic (how does animals in the wilderness learn our slang??) but entertaining nonetheless. Some scenes were sickly sweet, but everyone has different levels of cheesiness-tolerance. Maybe its because I'm lactose intolerant...get it? ha-ha-ha..

    The best movies are those that find the perfect balance between keeping them ANIMALS, retaining their instinctual behaviour and reasoning behind their actions, yet being human enough that we are able to relate to them (usually in terms of emotions). Its always hard to make it believable, yet still being able to maintain that air of HELLO HUMAN QUALITIES HERE!

    Movies that portray animals as helpless beings, preyed on by us terrible,horrible,vegetable humans, which isnt THAT far from the truth tbh, are moving in the right direction, however I am always hoping for some side action as these movies are usually pretty straightforward, taking away all of the suspense in the title itself. Still worth watching, but only for night when youre ready to go "Duh, they got saved. Everyones happy! Wow! Even against the most impossible odds they succeeded! WTF?!! But, AWWWW"

  Writers seem to assume cynical and sassy animals are comedic...and they were right! Doesnt it just bring a smile to your face?? ahh :) there we go.. 

GOODBYE

           Today is the day i turn 18. A few weeks ago, life handed me one last lesson before I turn lawfully legal (no more juvenile court people), how to deal with losing a beloved one, and, even harder, how to deal with those who are still alive.

           Do you say "I'm sorry for your loss", or "Be strong"? Do you pretend nothing has ever happened, pretend not to see the smile drop from your face in the occasional pauses in conversation? Do you say "I miss him" or "He was a wonderful,wonderful man, and he will always live in my heart?" Even thinking of those phrases makes me cringe inwardly. You pray for this magical sentence that can convey your feelings and thoughts and intentions, a simple phrase that contains "I miss him too, but you miss him more. He was father, husband, uncle, do I even have the right to be sad after what you've lost?? But if i just smile like nothings wrong, you might think that nothing really is wrong to me, that I do not care for him, but I do! I want to say that death is not the end, that he's in a better place, and that he's in His kingdom now, and that we are not fortunate enough to be taken away first, but I do not want to dismiss his death! I want to say that God has plans for you, better plans, His plans, but i do not want to dismiss your feelings, nor keep you from mourning. I want to make everything better, but it seems like everything I say just makes it worse. I want to hold your hand and tell you that everything is ok, but I know it is not. It never will be. But I'll always be there for you. But why do those words sound so empty? Sure, i can empathize, but I wont be able to sympathize. Will you hold it against me? Will you resent me?

         Hearing your loved ones speak to a grave, with hope and tenderness and faked cheeriness, brings tears to my eyes, at that moment, and at THIS moment as I think and type these words. The terrible ache, the sadness you feel when you see good people trying and trying and trying, again and again.

       And somehow the happiness is worse, those all-too-bright smiles and overly loud laughter. For we do not have permission to be sad, to be weak. Fake it till you feel it. And although my view is heavily clouded by denial and shimmered with disbelief, all the unspoken words youwerewonderfulimissyoualreadywhywhywhydidyouleaveimissyouhaveievertoldyouiloveyou- it doesnt matter. Because all I can say, all you have let me say, is, goodbye.